Parenting: Humbling For Most, Challenging For All
Has anyone here given birth to a strong-willed human?
I think every child has their moments. Some are more stubborn than others.
But here’s what they have in common:
They’re kids.
Being a kid means you are brand new. You are still in the “tutorial” phase of life, so to speak. And with that comes a need for direction, unconditional love, and mistake allowance.
Listen…
There are so many opinions surrounding the topic of parenting these days. Today, parents receive more criticism than ever before.
(Thanks social media).
People from different generations and backgrounds bring their unsolicited advice to the table.
It’s overwhelming.
Wouldn’t you agree?
I feel the same way…
Recently, I spoke with Lisa Smith, a parenting coach, and owner of The Peaceful Parent.
After speaking with her, I greatly valued her perspective…
Lisa is a fabulous human being!
She has helped tens of thousands of parents become what she calls “peaceful parents.”
What do “peaceful parents” do?
They are peaceful leaders of their households.
They “scuba dive” down to feelings and needs.
They understand kids are humans.
After defining what a peaceful parent does...
Lisa dove into such valuable nuggets of advice for parents who...
Struggle with resorting to yelling, threatening, and punishing their kids out of anger.
Let’s dive into her nuggets of advice together.
All Behavior Communicates a Need
When your child is acting out…
It can be so frustrating.
Especially when you need to be somewhere, or need to get things done. There’s no way around it…
It gets in the way.
But an important thing to remember is, that just because your child is acting out, doesn’t mean you need to take it personally.
That’s the issue.
Many parents take their children acting out as a personal attack. While it can be easy to take on this mindset, this is really not the case.
Kids act out for all kinds of reasons…
A cry out for attention
Feeling small and invalidated
Feeling angry
Not knowing how to handle waves of sadness
Doesn’t this all sound familiar?
Sometimes, we forget that kids are humans too.
We shouldn’t expect kids always to be happy, just as we aren’t.
No one would expect you to be happy after, let’s say, getting pulled over and receiving a speeding ticket. You’d be annoyed, put out, and not looking forward to paying that ticket.
Now, as an adult, you are much more in control of your emotions. You’re most likely not going to fall to the ground and have a loud tantrum.
But a child is still new.
It takes time for them to practice emotional regulation as their brains develop.
Next is a great nugget of advice to navigate this…
Be Curious, Not Furious
Lisa’s advice makes a lot of sense… and it rhymes!
(I love a good rhyme)
But seriously though…
Sometimes, it’s easy to resort to anger at our child’s poor behavior. Once again, we take it as a personal attack, when it really isn’t.
Let’s look at this scenario:
Your toddler has been acting out lately. He hasn’t been listening, stalling bedtime, and he’s even started to hit his baby sister. When something like this is happening, it’s easy to resort to getting frustrated and serving out reactive punishments.
Yes, children should understand that they are doing something wrong. But only focusing on that takes away from you, their parent, understanding their needs. Maybe your toddler is acting this way because they’re jealous of their new baby sister. Or maybe something else entirely.
How do you figure this out?
Well, it gets a lot easier when you “scuba dive” a bit below the surface (another Lisa-ism) to their feelings and needs.
It takes time to sink below the surface.
Here’s what that looks like:
Take some time for self-reflection
Make observations
Ask: What events have happened recently?
Consider taking time to do this if you’re child is acting out. It's okay if it takes extra time.
Kids Are Not Your Property
One of Lisa’s quotes really stood out to me.
She said:
A child is not your property. They are their own soul coming to Earth to have their own experience.
Wow.
Aren’t we all on Earth to have our own experiences?
Kids, from the start, value independence. They naturally strive to do things on their own...
Little by little, inching away from dependence on parents.
So, what’s my key takeaway from my interview with Lisa?
Be patient and trust the process.
If you want to know more about Lisa’s parent coaching services, check it out here.
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